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Episode 82: The Old Man and the Dog

Writer's picture: Kristin LindstromKristin Lindstrom

My mother lived with Perry and me for the last four months of her life. She was dying of cirrhosis of the liver. The first month or so her care wasn’t difficult, but things got increasingly tense.


At a certain point, Perry decided to escape and bought a very expensive bicycle and all the required accoutrements. After that, he was out and about every fair day, while I was waiting hand and foot on an increasingly demanding patient. This is not to say Perry wasn’t helpful, he was. It’s just that there are certain things in such care that fall to a daughter.


Pretty soon, I decided I wanted a bike too. If he could escape, so could I. Mom could still be left on her own for an hour or so. We went to the closest bicycle store and picked one out for a test run. It went badly. In retrospect, it was odd they didn’t offer a spare helmet. I made it half a block before I fell off the bike, very nearly smacking my cranium on the curb. I had vicious scrapes on my calves, but nevertheless was determined to buy that bike.


The next few outings together were, well, discouraging. Perry always seemed to be a quarter of a mile ahead of me, while I wheezed and gasped even on the flattest terrain. If the wind was in my face, I was practically going backward.


But the event that put an end to my biking career is legendary. We were coming up a biggish hill, Perry, of course, far ahead of me at the top of the incline. I felt myself going slower and slower, barely remaining upright when I heard a jingling noise behind me. I couldn’t figure out what it was.



Eventually I was passed by an elderly man walking his dog, whose collar had some kind of bell on it. At the top of the hill, Perry was going through paroxysms to hide the fact that he was laughing his ass off. I continued to pedal just enough to prevent myself from falling over and eventually made it to the top.


“That’s it! This experiment has failed. I’m selling this stupid bike” I glared at Perry, “And I don’t want to hear a word out of you!”

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